I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
