You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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