Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
