it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
