dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
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so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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