I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
