Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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