I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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