I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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