I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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