The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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