We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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