My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
