Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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