i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
