Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Randomize
