pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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