So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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