I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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