That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
