The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
