I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
