oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
