i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I need to sanitize my soul.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
