Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
