i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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