Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
