Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just want nice things and good sex
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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