I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
