Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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