I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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