Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
