well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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