Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
