Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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