Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
