you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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