I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
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I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
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CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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