It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Randomize
