What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
