yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
