just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I can't put those talents on a resume
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
