Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
