i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
