I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
