Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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