why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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