If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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