If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
