watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
