In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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