So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
