i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I AM VODKA MAN
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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