Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
