I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
