Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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