Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
