she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
