I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
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Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
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There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
So much Jack, so little girl.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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