Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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