There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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