She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
