I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
