she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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